Random

Not sure why at 8am on a Monday I am thinking so deep but felt like I wanted to talk about it. I have been hearing all of these horrible stories lately about tragic accidents happening to these little toddlers or some terminal illness... just awful stuff. I try so hard not to think about the "what if", but sometimes you almost have to because it could happen to ANYONE. I definitely don't want to sound morbid but if anything try to use it as a reminder of my blessings and how unbelievably lucky we are. I remember most recently at age 31 when I was in the hospital and hearing my mom on the phone in tears. I heard fear in her voice that I never would have understood before. I would have thought she was overreacting. NOW I get it. I would have the same fear if my baby was 3, 31 or even 50! All those phone calls worried about if I am home yet or not, all those worried looks when I was looking tired or stressed. It is unimaginable fear of losing the most precious thing in your world. It is funny because I was at a party this weekend and this mom (daughter in early 20's) was so distraught trying to pick a dress for her daughter's wedding and was having issues because the daughter didn't like the dress she liked. I was thinking wow, I guess that is the difference between age of course but also being a mom. I think about how self-centered I was before I became responsible for someone else's life other than my own. I mean I am STILL pretty self-centered ;) but in a much different way. I have had so many arguments with my mom about such things and now they seem SO silly. This blog also makes me think of all my dear friends who are trying so desperately to become a mom right now and for one reason or another can't. It hurts my heart so bad because there is absolutely nothing I can say or do to help them. I hope and pray that they get the chance to become a parent weather it be through fertility treatment or if they decide to open their hearts to an baby who needs a home. I think that the definition of a "parent" doesn't have to be just about DNA. If anyone can vouch for that it is ME! I have LOT of parents :) I love them all dearly and even though Sherry and Wade are not my parents by blood.....I am sure they were just as worried about me growing up as my mom and dad were. As a matter of fact, I would not be the person I am today without each one of them. We are so lucky to have all these amazing people in our lives who love us and love our kids so much. I hope that I can wake up everyday and never loose sight of that. I find myself complaining/stressing alot about things that are not important and I want to make an effort to take a step back and enjoy everyday that I have with my amazing Rylee and Parker and the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with (even though I need reminding sometimes ) ha ha JUST KIDDING ADAM.